Call me Ishmael

Call me Ishmael. Heavy rain is forecast for tonight and anyone with any sense will be tucked away in their warm and dry living room. That description excludes me. I’ll be outside testing a sailing smock.

Faithful readers will recall multiple blogs where I vowed to go into a trip using only gear I now own. They might also remember that my batting average on that approximates that of a shortstop in double-A baseball. Undaunted, I renewed the vow for an expedition coming up this summer in Alaska.

I checked the average weather during that time of year and felt pretty good about my supply of outdoor clothing and such. I ran through the suggested packing list and once again came out smelling like roses. I was all set. That is, before the rat of doubt began gnawing away.

I received advice from various quarters. The material varied in content but a consistent theme emerged. It could rain like hell and get chilly. Make sure you stay warm and dry or you’ll curse you mother for the day your were born. Or, maybe just get hypothermic.

I repaired to the gear room, which is a bit less stocked than some outfitters. As noted in my previous preparation, I have the requisite rain parka. In fact, I have a lot more than one. The reason?

The standing joke among outdoors people is that there is no such thing as waterproof. The concept exists in the marketing jargon of manufacturers, but nature knows nothing of it. Nature will find a way to get water up, down or through your pathetic attempt to thwart her. Hence, with every failure, I acquired a new parka that made claims of better efficacy.

I couldn’t afford another failure. This was Alaska. Yeah, they have the same water, air, etc., but it’s Alaska. I needed something beyond the pale, vows be damned. The purveyors of mere outdoor togs had failed me and I wouldn’t make that mistake again.

So, I asked myself, who has the utmost need for protection from flying gouts of water and how do they cope with it? The first image that springs to mind is the television shows of grizzled seamen hauling crabs, lobsters and other unfortunate crustaceans aboard a pitching ship with decks awash in the northern climes. I dialed up a few of these and noted the brands of their outwear.

It’s a quick trip to the store via the web. The gear certainly appeared stout, but also equally user-unfriendly. The material seemed unyielding and was almost devoid of pockets. On a shipping vessel, you could always repair below to retrieve that odd implement you needed on the spur of the moment. I needed it at hand.

Who else? Offshore sailors. That’s the ticket! There was no shortage of sites purveying sailing attire.

The gear was spectacular. However, the underlying principle quickly became apparent. If you could afford a stately ketch to circumvent the globe, you were a prime prospect to overpay for the duds.

But, I surmised the corollary. If you’re that concerned about appearances, you wouldn’t be caught dead in last year’s fashion. It didn’t take long to surface the outlets for the démodé rags, including a couple that were really hungry. There I found a sailing jacket that made every effort to fend off the most determined of droplets and, at a good price.

So, if you peep out your window tonight into the raging gales and see someone cutting a figure that appears to be about 700 miles off course, that’s me.

In defense of the "vulture"

In a spirited web forum discussion, one of the participants threw out the term “vulture capitalists,” accusing them of costing the country jobs, ruining the economy, etc. I never cease to be amazed how willing people are to parrot almost anything they get from a bumper sticker, web blather or skewed media, and pass it along, without understanding it, as the gospel.

Vulture capitalist is not a new term. It’s been applied to venture capitalists for decades by the knowledgeable, half in rancor and half in grudging respect for the role. Only recently have the politicians grasped onto it and recognized its value as an inflammatory and confusing tool to rile and mislead the susceptible segment of the population.

The first thing you have to understand is that most economic growth depends upon innovation and entrepreneurship, not moribund corporate giants. Steve Jobs, Phil Knight, Jeff Bezos and their kin have created far more employment in our era than Sears, Howard Johnson and Kodak. What drives the creation of the essential entrepreneurial ventures?

You have an idea for a more efficient alternative to the internal combustion engine. You also enjoy getting laughs. You have a much better chance of getting them by requesting a loan from your bank than you do at open mike night at the comedy club. The bank is barely willing to give you a home loan with them holding the deed and you providing solid proof of income. They are not in the high risk business and vociferously shun start-up lending.

What drives the growth is venture capital. The suppliers are willing to sustain the higher risk and losses (relatively few start-ups succeed to any substantial degree) in return to requiring a piece of the action and a short horizon to cover their shortfalls. If you don’t think they’re sticking their necks way out, I know a half dozen different people looking for start-up capital. They would be delighted to hear that you’re willing to put your money at risk, requesting less in return than the “vultures.” Anyone? Anyone?

So you really can’t put the spurs to your economy without the innovators and someone to finance the risk. And, outside of the venture capitalists, few are willing to do that. They are driving our entrepreneurial innovation, not hurting the economy.

Let’s address employment. The criticism is that, when the capitalist cashes in at the pre-disclosed desired horizon, jobs are lost. Huh?

Going back to our example, you got your money from a venture capitalist and started up with 50 employees. That’s 50 jobs that didn’t exist before. Since you and the venture capitalist share the goal of high growth, within a few years, you’re employing 300. Again, jobs that didn’t exist before.

This is where the capitalist cashes out, which was the disclosed intent from go. In one scenario, Fred buys it. He didn’t spend millions to shut it down, so no jobs are lost.

In another scenario, ABC Corporation buys it and eliminates duplicate jobs because it makes no sense to pay people to do the same thing. Let’s assume that’s 5% of the positions. You still have 285 jobs that you didn’t have previously and that’s just at this juncture. ABC didn’t buy it to stand pat. They have to grow it to recover their investment. So, the intent is to grow the business beyond the employment of 300.

I’ve oversimplified here to create understanding. But, if you still believe the venture capitalists are a pox on society, contact me and I’ll put you in touch with those start-ups who are looking for funding. You can put up your money and show us a better way.

The Trifecta

Several years ago, I headed to southern Kentucky for an overnight kayaking trip. We arrived early and amused ourselves by walking around the street fair in the small town. One booth offered fried, Twinkies, Oreos and Snicker bars. I had heard about dipping the Twinkies into the hot fat, but not the others. I hadn’t tried any, but this seemed to be an omen.

I ordered up a Twinkie. It approximated the weight of a Buick. Nonetheless, I can eat about anything and accepted the challenge. Two small bites did me in. The paddler riding shotgun with me stepped up to the plate and didn’t get any further.

A local kid was watching all this and asked if he could have it. I pondered if that would constitute child abuse, but consented. He scarfed it down in about the time it would take to read this sentence. I hope he’s still alive.

I forgot about this until I was taken to dinner this past weekend. It was a fairly elegant place so I was a bit surprised to find Oreo doughnuts on the dessert menu. I asked about it. The waitress said they wrap the dough around the cookie and then fry it. Ah hah! The vaunted fried Oreo.

I rose to the occasion and ordered it up. The serving was a quartet and could not be dispatched in one sitting. It took days, but the mission was accomplished.

Now, all I need is the Snickers bar.

More fun in sales

I’ve received a few comments about a previous blog about selling kayaks. No, it isn’t all sweetness and light. You have the same issues inherent in selling almost anything through classifieds, but that goes with the territory.

One guy from Indianapolis “bought” one of the boats. The punctuation is because I don’t consider it sold until I have the cash in my mitt. He may have considered it bought with his assurances and confirmations, but I have some experience in this. He didn’t show up at the appointed time and didn’t respond to the followup email. Not a huge surprise as his previous correspondence had the whiff of a weenie about it.

That kayak must attract a certain breed because the on-deck buyer started out by pleading poverty as a college student and coupled that to his lowball offer. There are college students driving cars and living in houses better than mine. I will take a hit for people I know, but not someone who might be a trust fund baby. I gave him my bottom line.

He was still interested and asked when he could come get it. I responded that my schedule was flexible. Then, he wanted to know how far I was from (town in northern Ohio). He’s a college student and can’t use a mapping program? He’s majoring in hospitality management, so that skill might come in handy.

I Mapquested it and told him it was about 250 miles. That floored him. He had no idea I was that far away. Let me get this straight; you respond to an ad on a Cincinnati classified board and are surprised to find that the item is located in Cincinnati? The ad even specifies which township. I weep for our future.

Just one of the challenges, but also a source of entertainment.

Archie and the Jugheads

Archie and Scott ran for county commissioner. Scott would appear to be the one who would get the backing of the party, except he won’t back off budget cuts.

The party backed Archie, putting him the driver’s seat. Archie decides it’s a good idea to make up and spread some malicious stories about some of the good citizens of Clermont County, dropping him to dogt**d status, and who votes for that?

The good citizens of Clermont County, that’s who. The party pulled its support for Archie, but too late. He’s in.

Nothing really noteworthy at first, but then he stops attending meetings or anything else, virtually crippling the office of the commissioners. Through a third party, he issues a cryptic note-to-the-teacher.

As one would expect, that doesn’t fly so he sends in a resignation for reason of health. Have you ever known one of those to have anything to do with health?

Shortly on the heels of that comes an indictment against him with charges of drug trafficking and solicitation of prostitution. Various people from Clermont are on the radio expressing surprise.

What? Were you paying any attention at all?

Voters get the public officials they deserve.

We've lost the capacity to think

Last week, I went down to Georgia and paddled with some local people. One of them had a decal on his kayak and I asked where he got it. He said he didn’t know. He bought the boat used and it was on there.

The reason I asked was because I discovered the same image on a t-shirt a couple years ago and bought it. I’ve since acquired another. Obviously, I like it. But, I didn’t know you could get a decal.

When I returned, I did an exhaustive search on the internet to find the decal. I found one place, a manufacturer and direct seller of specialized sporting goods. Not to digress too much, but I was curious about how they happened to possess license of the image. It appears there’s a father-son relationship between the owner of the company where I bought the shirts and a partner in the equipment company.

So, I ordered a few decals to slap onto my kayaks. They also had t-shirts with an interesting variation of the image, so I bought one of those.

A couple days later, I received an email from UPS with the shipment tracking number. Pretty standard stuff except something caught my eye. They were requiring a signature from the recipient. Oh c’mon!

I emailed the company, saying that I order and receive cameras, electronics, jewelry, etc. without having to wait around for the UPS delivery to sign. Surely, we could trust UPS with a t-shirt and a few decals. I requested they change the arrangement with UPS.

The response was that their main product line was high value units and their policy is to require the signature. Yes, but this is not high value. It’s a t-shirt, for crying out loud. Can you understand that this is low value and does not require the extra measures?

Of course she could see that. But, she can also see their policy. I asked her to talk to her supervisor and get permission. She said that would make her look stupid.

As opposed to?

Win-Win

I have often recommended sales as a career choice. Almost as often, I receive “Ugh” as a response. Or, something similar.

I get that a large percentage of the population internalizes the rejection. And, that many people don’t like to ask of others and persist. But I feel it depends, to some extent, how you look at the process.

I have never sold a product I didn’t believe in. I approached it like I was doing someone a favor, not asking for one. That way, we both came out ahead.

Over the past few months, I’ve sold a half dozen of my kayaks and canoe, thinning down the fleet (how long that will last is anyone’s guess). Today, I received an email from one of the buyers. He’s had a chance to use the boat and wanted to let me know how happy he is with it and wanted to thank me for making it possible.

That’s what I like about sales.