BPD

As we approach a high school reunion, everyone is gleefully exchanging old stories, events in their currents lives and other happy gems. Everyone except Robin. Robin emailed me that she’s not going and advises me to do the same.

She goes on to say that she sent a check in for the last reunion and the committee returned it with a note that said she should stay the hell away. At the previous reunion, she added, everyone had behaved meanly.

I thought I recognized the rant pattern (I see it in my profession), but checked with the reunion chairwoman. Robin could not have received the returned check and note from the committee because reservations went to an outside firm. Since Robin did not attend the prior reunion, any stories she was telling were fabrications of her imagination. Besides, if the people were so mean, why would she even want to sign up for another event and be with them? That wouldn’t make any sense, so something was obviously very wrong. This and the pattern of Robin’s rant fit the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), a serious mental illness.

If you are close to someone with BPD, there are websites for dealing with it. If it is someone not close to you, the best course may be to avoid that person. How do you recognize a BPD?

They view others with polarity, either totally good or evil. And, this perception can flicker back and forth.

They feel wronged, ignored or abandoned at the slightest provocation, or imagined one. They are often distrustful, anxious or irritable.

They have unpredictable rages that often make no sense and are often abusive. Refuse to engage them in pointing out the truth as facts mean nothing to them. They twist words and events, or construct their own realities. They often don’t recall things as others do, or will attempt to blame the skewed version on others. BPDs can find each other and use their counterparts for validation of their aberrant perceptions and behavior. They also project their own dysfunction onto others, usually the focus of their rage.

They need to be the center of attention and will go to lengths to attain that, even if it means acting provocative or badly. It will still never be enough attention and they will become angered.

They act impulsively. Many gamble, abuse drugs, overspend, overeat or are promiscuous.

They are manipulative and frequently lie. They are denigrating of the point of view of others.

Their moods flip. And, their viewpoints may depend upon who they’re with.

Unfortunately, BPD gets little publicity, so relatively few know what to do when someone close to them exhibits the symptoms. BPDs seldom seek treatment on their own because in their minds, their many interpersonal conflicts are the doing and fault of others. But, it is treatable. If it received more exposure, there would be more treatment.