Enjoy it while you can

I just completed a trip that required eight hours in-transit at each end. It’s hard for me to do nothing for eight minutes, let alone hours. I equipped myself with a book, as well as Sudoku and crossword puzzles and cryptograms to pass the time. They just got me through the outbound flight.

I didn’t think I’d need any distractions on the way home. It had been a week of paddling whitewater all day and rum all night. I could sleep on a cheese grater, let alone an airliner seat. Or, that was the plan.

We boarded the full flight and I had the aisle seat next to an elderly couple. I hoped that I wouldn’t slouch over and drool on the poor lady.

As opposed to the equipment for the flight down there, which had overhead screens that showed a third rate movie, this had seatback screens. Once the door closed, they flashed into life with an actress cutting us in on the secrets of seatbelts and oxygen masks. She was perky and beautiful, and bore little resemblance to the uniformed gargoyle who trudged up and down the aisle to detect violators.

Airborne at last. I settled back as best I could and readied myself for the sandman. The screen switched to a menu. Movies, TV shows, games, route map, weather…wait. Back up. Games?

I browsed that. One sounded somewhere between Trivial Pursuit and an SAT test. Okay, I’ll try that once before I nap. I poked the touchscreen.

It asked me to enter a nickname. Huh? Whatever. I stabbed in a name. “Joining in-progress.”

It was question #4 in a series of 20. A clock icon was sweeping. More points for a quicker correct answer. I selected my response and my score was reported. Then, the screen shifted to a rankings list showing seat numbers and nicknames. You were competing with other passengers.

Even though I was late to the game, I managed to finish third. So much for the nap. I would play until I won one. The next game, I place second. Same with the third. I should sleep. Maybe one more.

I won that one on the last question. Someone two rows up and the opposite side of the aisle whirled around and glared at me. I checked the screen. He was the one I aced out at the end. Time to quit, while I’m on top. Maybe one more.

This continued with four out of the couple dozen players consistently jockeying for the top spots. Groans and cheers echoed around the cabin as each question was scored. Angry shouts rang out when a game was interrupted by an announcement of rough air. The woman next to me began murmuring encouragement, strangely taking pride in “our row’s” victories. That was okay, but when she moaned as I made one choice, I had to give her a warning glance. Don’t mess with my game, granny.

This was getting intense. The beverage cart trundled by. I heard someone ahead tell the attendant to come back later, he was in the middle of a game. When told there would be no further service, he snapped, “Then get lost.”

At one point, I sensed someone hovering over me. I looked up at an angry face. “Just seeing if you were getting answers off a laptop or something.” With five seconds to answer?

That signaled that enough was enough. I switched the screen to see where we were on the map and thought I detected a sigh of disappointment from granny.

Will there be riots in the planes over ambiguous questions? Fights in the terminal after the flights? This cannot end well. Enjoy it while you can.