Now you've got a gym

Standing in the locker room after a great workout and not feeling the urge to change. Other guys are hanging out, too. Life circling back? After a great game in high school, not wanting to shed your jersey because the magic of the moment might come off with it.

Tom and Gene were on either side of me as I wondered this aloud. “You think too freakin’ much,” growled Tom. He growls a lot.

“Yeah, we do tend to hang out,” replied Gene. “Creatures of habit, everyone tends to use the same lockers. They like these two rows.”

“The lights are directly overhead in these aisles.” I had given thought to this before.

“So, you can’t see to tie your damn shoes in the others?” One thing about Tom, he’s consistent.

“The lights are directly overhead here. Highlights muscle definition after a good workout. Positive reinforcement for the effort.”

“Muscle definition? These muffintops?” Tom’s word for people whose rolls of fat hang over the waistband. A couple heads swiveled toward him, but wisely decided it wasn’t worth it.

“Give them credit for working on it.”

“They need to work a lot harder.”

“Hey Tom,” Gene smiled, “can I work for you?”

I had wondered if the lighting was part of gym marketing. Maybe they should have funhouse mirrors that take off ten pounds.

Let’s see, what else would make a great gym? I think stands of spectators who would cheer you home on your last lap at the track or in the pool. Then, you climb a podium and receive a medal on a ribbon.

A posse gives you your robe and towel. There’s a juice bar as you come out of the shower room. You climb on the scale, which reads your body fat content. The reported weight is what you’d be at 5%. The sound system is pumping in the theme from “Rocky.”

Okay, now you got a gym.