A book I’m reading references the Single Bullet Theory. The Single Bullet Theory is that you can be pierced with one person’s bullet that'll touch your soul like no one else ever has, knowing that she/he was the one true connection in your life, the one that came closest to seeing your hidden secrets. The one that touched you the most, knowing that you can make love and fall in love again, but you'll know it'll never be as sweet, never be as beautiful, as that one who got under the wire.
I gave that some thought and it quickly had the opportunity to bob up again on my radar screen. We had dinner with my son and his future in-laws. He became engaged a couple weeks ago on Valentine Day. I eyed his fiancée’, wondering if she was his single bullet.
My gaze shifted to his mother, my ex. Had I thought that at the time?
Every pot has a lid, or so some say. But, is there only one lid? Are there different lids for various stages of your life?
I’m ambivalent on that. I tend to believe the latter. On the other hand, I know a woman who, to me, is like no other. That’s not to say that the relationship has always been smooth or intact. But, even during the lulls, I can’t recall thinking there was anyone else like her.
On the other hand, I probably thought that about my high school girlfriend, but that may be the product of youth. We went our separate ways after graduation and lost touch. Years later, I would find myself pondering her from time to time. She was very smart, beautiful and had personality to spare.
I’m a doer by nature and, after thirty some years of musing about it, decided to track her down. That was a letdown, but don’t jump to any conclusions. She had maintained her physical appearance, but had done almost nothing with her other gifts. Not the way I had pictured her and definitely not the bullet.
Almost seven billion people on this rock and only one soul mate out there for you? The odds don’t seem likely.
But, if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.
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Have you ever noticed that with the potentially “single bullet” people, the relationship almost never works out? It’s much easier to have a relationship with someone you care about but who isn’t the single bullet. I have given this some thought over the years, about why that might be.
Sometimes you even know it’s mutual with the single bullet – she cares for you as much as you care for her, but still… it never quite comes together.
Finally, I think I have figured out why. When you really, really care for someone, you’re more invested emotionally, which means there’s more potential for getting hurt if it goes wrong, so we keep an emotional distance, even though it’s not what we really want. And when the two are interacting, everything seems so life-or-death, perfect or horrible, and we worry constantly. We get possessive, suspicious, and jealous. If we can’t be everything to them, we don’t want to be anything. All of this over-focusing and hyper-sensitivity tends to be exhausting, and can drive the loved one away from us, rather than bringing them closer. We are our own worst enemies when it comes to love. I don’t know what the solution is. Maybe, like Indiana Jones in the Last Crusade movie, we just have to take a leap of faith. But, easier said than done.
Congradulations on your sons engagement. About the single bullet, I can relate to this. But how long can you hold out hope for someone if it isn't working? If you have someone in your life now who loves you and will make you happy, marry that girl. Living alone sucks. And if your single bullet cares about you at all unselfishly, she would want you to be happy. Be happy.
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