Negotiating in the Bizarro World

It’s easy for Trump to write “the Art of the Deal.” He never had to negotiate with paddlers. It can get bizarre, although not when I’m dealing with friends. My objective there is more to help someone obtain a boat they’ll enjoy or unload one they don’t. Others receive no quarter, especially dealers.

I received an email from someone who had been surfing through some of my kayaking photos on the web. One of my boats had caught his eye and he wondered where I had bought it. I emailed him the information. He said that he was afraid of that because he had had a bad experience with that dealer. I wasn’t surprised.

He had seen them advertise some kayaks on the web and one snagged his attention. It was a high end boat and usually not cheap. He called and was told it was a demo and in like-new condition. They would deal on price. Since the location was several hundred miles away, he asked questions to pin that down. If you’re buying something across town and your idea of “like new” differs from the seller’s, no big deal. You either lower the offer or drive home to shop again another day. Trekking across several states is a different story.

He arrived, was taken to the kayak and it looked like it had been demoing dropping off high buildings. He was pretty upset with them but said their reaction appeared to be mostly puzzlement about his dismay. Cutting the price wasn’t part of their response.

I had received a similar promotion from them and seen a kayak I had some interest in. I was going to be traveling in the general area, so I called and was told I’d have to talk to Ned. He did all the deals. I waited and when no further communication was forthcoming, I asked to speak to Ned. “Oh, did you want to talk with him?” That should’ve been the tipoff.

The promotion read like they were desperate to liquidate their inventory so they could pay for merchandise for the upcoming season. Ned seemed less anxious than the ad copy. If we had been face-to-face, I would’ve put a spoon under his nose to see if he was breathing. I made an appointment to look at the kayak the next afternoon when I’d be passing through or, more accurately, doglegging my route to do so.

After a long day of driving, I located their place way back in the boonies. It was a series of cabins and sheds strewn through the woods. Kayaks and canoes were everywhere; stacked in piles, leaning against buildings and trees or just sitting on the ground. I entered the cabin closest to the parking lot a little before the appointed time and asked for Ned. I was told he was gone for the day. I said they must be mistaken because we had an appointment and they just shrugged. The concept seemed alien to them.

I asked if I could see the kayak. There were four employees standing there behind the counter and they looked at each other, obviously wanting someone else to pick up the ball. You guys are in the kayak sales business, aren’t you?

Finally, one young lady caved and told me to follow her. We hiked through the woods with her checking various caches of boats in search of our quarry. I deduced that inventory control was another unfamiliar practice.

We finally located it and I assisted her in unearthing it from the bottom of a pile. It was encrusted with mud and leaves and housed an extended family of overgrown spiders. Worst of all, it was pretty beat up, contrary to the description. The girl told me she thought it had been in their rental fleet, which is a little beyond what I consider a demo. Even though I was coming up this way anyway, I should’ve covered that better with Ned. Right after we discussed the purpose of an appointment.

Not wanting this to be a wasted side trip, I asked if there were any other boats of particular interest. She said they had some she thought were pretty good and I said I’d like to look at them.

In another clearing, there were two piles of boats, both of a very good brand. One pile had four kayaks that were way cool, three in excellent condition. I asked about the pricing and she said I’d have to talk to Ned. There were a dozen employees milling around this place and Ned was the only one who could sell? How could they do any business when he wasn’t there? The shrug. I asked when Ned would be in and she told me he was supposed to be there the next morning. Actually, he was supposed to be there now, per our appointment. But, I wouldn’t let that stand between me and a great boat.

I had come this far and these boats were pretty special. I found camping in the area and showed up the next morning, being mildly surprised to be told that Ned was in. Finally, I meet the man.

Not so fast. The clerk at the front desk disappeared into the back room of a cabin, returned and asked what I wanted with Ned. I told her we had had an appointment the previous day, but I was now interested in the pricing of the four kayaks the other girl had shown me. I’d like to speak with Ned about that. She went back behind the closed door.

If I had thought Ned would come bounding out to clasp hands with a hot prospect who would alleviate their cash crunch, I would be disappointed. She returned and gave me the prices on the kayaks. They were all priced the same (in spite of being different models and condition) and the amount wasn’t bad. In fact, it was lower than what he had quoted on the other boat of lesser quality and condition. Weird.

I was having trouble deciding between two of the boats and said I’d like to make an offer to Ned on one of them. She asked how much and trotted off. After a few minutes, she returned and informed me that Ned said the price was the price. I replied I could be interested in more than one if the deal was right. What would it be if I bought two boats? She made another round trip. Ned said to add the prices of the boats together and that’s the price of two boats. That Ned, what a player. I took only one. I didn’t want the second one enough to buy it without a deeper discount.

Last week, I tripped across a classified ad for a somewhat rare and exotic kayak. It was very upper echelon and one I would usually merely lust after in my heart. Just too much money for how much I would paddle it. The owner had added all kinds of goodies and the used price was still over the top. But, what made this appear viable was that he stated he would consider trades involving a particular model he wanted and I happen to own one. The stars had aligned. I was meant to possess this precious jewel.

Is this a windfall or what? He’s trying to sell a kayak that’s very expensive and challenging to paddle, severely limiting his market. But, he’ll barter for just one other kayak and I happened to have it. His odds of success are about 1:100,000 and I was that one. What a great situation.

Well, that relies upon some real world assumptions. I open negotiations and he immediately launches into how much he paid for the kayak (very high price, but he also inflated it) and all the things he added. Pity. But when you buy a boat with a limited market, the risk is yours to bear and not up to a buyer to bail you out. And don’t expect to recover your investment in the add-ons. Take your medicine and quit your whining. Of course, I didn’t say that as it wouldn’t advance the negotiation.

Instead, I pointed out the advantage of this being a great opportunity for him to liquidate it and come out with what he really wanted. He returned to the point I had tactfully sidestepped, noting the difference in the prices of our kayaks when they were new. True, but I had bought a boat that is a hot item and retained value. I didn’t say that, either. It’s more important to be a new owner than to prove you’re right.

It became apparent that he was into win-lose deals, with him the winner. Not the smartest strategy, especially in his position, but I’ve dealt with his ilk before. It’s not about cutting a fair deal, it’s about giving him a victory. The strategy is to negotiate with soft dollars.

His location was some distance away. But, it was on the way to somewhere I’d be going later in the month. So, I said that I’d make up the difference by driving to his place to make the switch, bearing the expense of the round trip, not to mention a full day of driving. The concept of me taking a hit piqued his interest, as anticipated. But the blood wasn’t quite tangible enough for him. He wanted me to do the delivery and pay him five hundred bucks. Really? How about you just eat your overpriced boat? I didn’t say that, either.

What tangible trophy could I provide him with to signify he had vanquished me? In another deal where I was the seller, someone had thrown in an exotic racing paddle for which I had little use. I offered that in lieu of the money he wanted. If he wanted to tap dance on my face, delivery and this should be enough.

That had some effect but he wanted the cash. He countered with the paddle and six hundred bucks. He said he had severely damaged his ankle and really needed the cash. Delivery, the paddle and the cash were his final offer.

Sorry about your ankle but not my problem. And, if you need money so much, why are you willing to trade out for a kayak? I didn’t say that, either.

Ignoring the final offer ploy, I said delivery and the paddle were as far as I could go. In consideration that he obviously had issues to deal with and needed to sell the boat, and had limited prospects for doing do, I’d give him three days to ponder all that before the offer expired.

Yeah, I did say that. You get to a point where bluntly drawing the line is the only recourse. But, we’re not done yet.

He responded he really had to deal with his ankle issue and thought we should put this on hold. His health situation had eclipsed this deal and he didn’t really care if he got my kayak or not at this point. He’d get back to me if things changed and in the meantime, he knew I’d understand if someone came along and gave him the full cash price for the boat. Of course, if I changed my mind, feel free to contact him.

So, we’re going to play who blinks first and he’s attempting to capture the high ground by claiming disinterest. That would work better for him if my web photo site didn’t show someone hitting pics of my kayak three times a day.

So, I’ll let him simmer until he either capitulates or winds up spending a long winter staring at a kayak he doesn’t want. In the meantime, it’s always an adventure swapping out boats.