Happiness is....

As previously referred to, I belong to a small group who meet monthly for cocktails and dinner. The main event is that we take turns presenting papers for debate. Last might was Stu’s turn and he opened with the question, “What do Pat Raffel, Henry Dorfman and Dick Friedman (some of the long-term members) have in common with Aristotle, Socrates and Plato?” One wag yelled out, “They’re all dead.” Very funny. Stu’s topic was philosophies of happiness. I had never discussed this with him, but his observations of the aforementioned members led him to believe that we had unlocked the great mystery. It was an interesting paper, covering the range from the ancient philosophers to the modern day snake oil salesmen who have made it a lucrative industry. These dealt largely with safety, financial security, physical/mental health, socio-economic status and other factors you might expect. Listening to the various viewpoints made me realize that I did harbor certain philosophies on the subject. There were two that I found often escaped mention or emphasis. The first is being pro-active. I believe many people drift through life, passively encountering things that make them unhappy and hopefully awaiting those that will elate them. I think this is a recipe for failure. Happy people make things happen. The phrase, “Someday I will (get a degree, visit Europe, learn to speak Spanish or whatever the heart’s desire)” is a happiness killer. Happy people make it happen. Likewise, they take action on items that make them unhappy. Sometimes that’s difficult (relationships, jobs, etc.), but they confront the challenges and don’t allow the negatives to persist. Secondly, they are inner-directed. It isn’t anybody’s job to make you happy. It’s yours. If you rely or dwell upon what others do or think, you are bound for disappointment because you have no control over that. However, you do exert control over yourself. I doubt that I will ever be quoted in the same breath with Aristotle, Socrates and Plato. But, it works for me.