At this stage of the game

Last week, I hurried through my workout to pick up a friend for lunch at her place of business. When I returned home, I found an email from her. “Thought you’d enjoy that one of the girls in the office said she wished she had a hunk come by and take her out to eat.” I shrugged. This morning, I had my annual physical. After the always-popular digital probe, the doctor informed me, “You have the prostate gland of a 50-year-old.” I never thought I’d see the day when the latter compliment was preferable to the former. But, it’s here.

You reap what you sow

I was entering the supermarket when a young man (11 or 12 years of age) stepped into my path, jiggling a beverage cup from a fast food franchise half full of change. He was attired in the latest fashion of his generation, so I didn’t take him to be needy. “Cash for me to build a clubhouse.” It wasn’t a question. I declined to contribute, noting that the leaves would be falling soon. I suggested he go around now to line up raking jobs to finance his construction. “Why should I do that?” he replied, somewhat indignantly. “You have more money than me. You should pay for it.” “Where did you get that idea?” He drew himself up to his full height and regarded me with nothing short of scorn for the ignorant. “From the President of the United States.” Yes, that’s what it’s come to and where it’s going.

It's not where you paddle...

“Looked like a nice trip,” said the email from a kayaking friend who had viewed a photo album I just posted. “One of the best I’ve been on.” “Really? It didn’t look as exotic as some of the places you go.” It wasn’t, but there were two things that didn’t come through in the pictures. First, the conditions were awesome. The air was warm and Lake Michigan provided enough waves to make it interesting without making some of the less experienced paddlers nervous. More importantly, the group chemistry was amazing. Pull together a party of any size and you’ll probably get a cross section of society. That is, it’ll include some issues people, complainers, and others who detract from the experience. This group was pure fun people making the event extraordinarily enjoyable from beginning to end. It’s not so much where you paddle, it’s who you paddle with.

Lock-ins

In the locker room, Clem was bemoaning his outcomes in trying to get his wife to work out. “I told her, black women tend to pile up that fat in a few places and it don’t look good no how.” I don’t know what Clem does for a living, but I’d hazard a guess it’s not a position where he’s required to motivate people. Probably not a marriage counselor, either. “I says, the hardest part is starting out. Once you’ve got your lock-in, you’re there.” I didn’t know exactly what he meant, but thought we were close. I’ve never used the term but I’m looking at it as the point where you’ve already invested so much, you’re not going to back out. That could be good or it could be bad. It probably helps me drag my old and aching bones to the gym. On the other hand, I don’t take a day off when I probably should and I agonize when I miss a number of sessions. I try to be rational about this, whether it applies to the gym or anything else. It’s not unusual to let lock-in dictate your actions when you’ve started a business, gotten into a relationship or whatever. You’ve got to know when to hold them and when to fold them. It’s much better to manage your lock-ins than to have them manage you. The first step is discerning the difference between a lock-in and a perceived one. My children are a lock-in. Right or wrong, I’ll be behind them, now and forever. That’s real. I recall what I think was my first revelation of a perceived lock-in. My first corporate job out of college was with a huge company and I was doing quite well; good salary, fantastic benefits, job security and a bright future. But, it wasn’t me. At first, it didn’t seem to matter that I wasn’t that happy with it because, with a young family, that appeared to be the only logical course of action. What brought it into focus was that I conceived a creative strategic move to capitalize on a piece of impending legislation. The top brass thought it was brilliant but wanted to run it through the bureaucratic red tape process. This strained out key elements and delayed implementation well beyond a year. And, well beyond the point of striking while the iron was hot. When the time came that I received the go-code (“And you’d better make this work.”), the window of opportunity had passed. Instead of beating the dead horse, I revisited the assumption that I was locked into this job and asked who I was. At that point, I decided to go entrepreneurial and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. More recently, an organization I’ve been integral to for a long time took a bad turn at the direction of the chairman. He assumed I had so much of myself invested in it, I’d have little choice but to support the new narrative. He assumed wrong. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was a very good one. So, one key to happiness is managing your lock-ins instead of letting them manage you. You are better off making your own decisions than allowing them to be made for you.