Reality show

I don’t watch “reality shows” and their kin. What I do know about them is a mélange of impressions gleaned from around the lunch table at work, where they are avidly discussed. As far as I can tell, you run around Ethiopia dressed like Rambo trying to redeem a Wendy’s coupon while plotting the ouster of your bunkmates. Or, something like that.

No one seems to feel they are reality, but it doesn’t appear to matter. Unless, you’re undergoing a scan and have nothing to do but lie still and contemplate such inanities.

Okay, this would be a reality show. You have ten tasks to complete successfully:

1. Call a computer or software customer service department, get connected with a real person and obtain an understandable and accurate solution within twenty minutes.

2. Buy an appliance, apply for and obtain the rebate within two months.

3. File a scam or fraud complaint with the FTC, state attorney general or Better Business Bureau and elicit a remedy within six months.

4. When there’s a DST change, adjust all your clocks, watches and other devices within 24 hours.

5. Build a desk or home entertainment center from an assemble-it-yourself kit within six hours with no extra or missing parts.

6. Collect an insurance claim in full.

7. Get valid assistance with your tax return from the IRS helpline.

8. Change the name or address on your driver’s license or vehicle registration within a month.

9. Get a plumbing, electrical or HVAC problem fixed at a reasonable price within three days.

10. Redeem your Skymiles or other bonus points for an airline ticket with the date, time and destination you want.

Now you’ve got a reality show.