Anthropometry

This morning, after our pool laps, Liz invited us out for a late breakfast. It was obvious she had something to get off her chest. I’ll ride trail bikes in the mountains, kayak to the middle of the ocean and recommend restaurants to friends, but I don’t buck Liz, ten years her junior or not.

We ordered and then out it came. Liz slapped a catalog onto the middle of the table. “What do you think of that?”

At first, I thought they were wetsuits. But, they were more specialized, targeting open water swimmers. “They look a little expensive.”

“Not that. That!” She stabbed her finger at a size chart.

Still not getting it. “Okay, Liz, help me out here before you take my head off.”

“Look at the paragraph to the right of the chart.”

There was an “A” superimposed over a silhouette of a woman and an “H” on one of a slightly different shape. The explanation was that A suits were for women whose waists were proportionately smaller than their hips and that the H suits fit those without significant variation, top to bottom.

“I think that’s better than saying these are for wide butts and those are for masculine builds.”

“Better? It says the same thing.”

“But, in a nice way. I was talking to someone over the weekend who had overcome her childhood weight problem. She said that her heavy brothers got ‘husky’ sizes, which could almost be a positive, but the girl’s equivalent was ‘chubbette,’ which leaves little wiggle room in the interpretation. At least it sounds like the catalog writer made an effort.”

“So, if you’re a female swimmer, you can’t have a feminine build?”

“Probably couldn’t find a letter that shape in the English alphabet.”

“Not funny. And where are the equivalent variations for men? Are you all so perfectly formed?”

“From someone who’s disproportionate and has struggled with paddling wetsuits for years, I’d welcome it.”

“And you wouldn’t care if you were typecast by some stupid letter?”

“If I could find something that didn’t crush my rib cage and still ended within a foot of my toes, they could use hieroglyphics for all I care.”

“You’re paying for breakfast.”

I should’ve stuck with my initial instinct.