The next 48 Hours

I know what I’ll be doing for the next 48 hours. Maybe more. I’ll be learning a new smart phone.

About a year ago, I made some life changes and decided that mandated that I make the leap from a communication device (cell phone) that exceeded by capabilities by about 50% to one (smart phone) that outthought me by multiples of IQ. I could’ve simply learned the functions that were required for my new lifestyle, but took a more ambitious approach. I decided to learn a new function every day.

That lasted about a week. I grew weary of plowing through the steps of functions I saw few occasions to employ. And, I sensed that, without that usage, the newly learned skills would atrophy, rendering this a futile exercise.

For the past year, the smart phone has served me pretty well, even though I’ve used a fraction of its capabilities. And, I eschewed apps. I really don’t need how to cast spells or create monsters on tap. And, I suspect half these things infect you with some kind of malware or harvest your data.

At the end of my first year, I began to receive mailers, offering device upgrades in return for an extended contract. I wasn’t using all I had now, so I tossed them.

Unfortunately, I also inadvertently tossed the phone into a basin of dish water. Might want to reconsider the offers. I fished them out of the trash.

But, I was able to resurrect the phone with some quick action. I still harbored doubts about whether that was permanent or that it now carried a fatal flaw that would make itself known at the worst possible time.

This past weekend, I worked the booth of an organization at a show. An attractive young lady at a booth across the aisle began to make eye contact and smiled. I returned the favor and she came over and introduced herself, noting that she had seen me using my phone. Was I happy with it?

I looked across the aisle and saw that she was with a cell phone network. Her attraction to me was merely of a commercial nature? Doesn’t seem possible.

She launched into a dissertation of the merits of the various new phones. I nodded politely. Half I had no use for and the remainder I couldn’t even discern their purpose. But, she did hit on one point that was the Achilles Heel of my current device. I made a note to visit my provider, which I did this morning.

I had saved all my documentation, including the business card of my rep, and asked for him. Of course, he was no longer there. These people have the employment longevity of a mayfly. Not that it mattered. I was talking to his clone. Layered clothing, gelled hair, etc.; telling them apart is like trying to distinguish among clams.

I produced my latest mailer and pointed out a couple models that were being offered. He sneered. I might as well have been showing him plans for a catapult. He told me I didn’t want one of them because there were far better models available. That’s funny, because his company thought I’d be interested, as did I.

I insisted upon seeing them. He reluctantly complied but went on to demonstrate the ones he favored. His fingers flew as he agilely hopped from one function to the next, making it look as easy and intuitive as drawing breath. It must be in their DNA. And, one model did have something that especially appealed to me, so I relented. I had no delusions of replicating his facile operation but thought, with intensive study, I could make good use of this. I did have second thoughts because this device was from a manufacturer different from my current phone, but he assured me it was no problem to make a quick transition. Right, no problem.

We then moved into the phase where he attempted to sell me about 47 must-have accessories and the insurance and extended warranty coverage. I stalwartly fended him off. When he realized I was a lost cause, he retracted his talons and set me free.

I got home and sat down with the new phone. First step was to try to mimic his navigation. It came as little surprise that I elicited only strange screens and sounds, nowhere near what I was shooting for. So, I resigned myself to pulling out the manual and assiduously working my way through it.

That’s where I am now. And, anticipate being for some time.