I need a costume

I need a superhero costume. Yesterday, I kayaked at an event that drew paddlers from all of the state and somewhat beyond. As I met them, under my actual name, I encountered a frequent question, due to my high level of activity in the sport: “You’re Captain Hank?” I wouldn’t mind that except the affirmative answer is sometimes followed up with “I thought you’d be younger.” I’ve also had “bigger” and a few other adjectives. Whatever they imagined, it always seems to be a slight disappointment in reality. Think of how I feel. I need a superhero costume. This morning, I went to a friend’s house to help her out with something. She left the door open because she was still upstairs tweaking her appearance. “While you’re waiting, would you go down the basement and scoop the cat litter?” Really. Do you recall ever hearing of anyone asking Batman to scoop cat crap? “But I’m Captain Hank,” I responded plaintively. “That’s nice. Then it shouldn’t be any problem for you.” I definitely need a superhero costume.