Checkpoint

I was driving home last night and there it was a sobriety checkpoint. Yeah, like I needed this. I was exhausted and just wanted to get home. It was a holiday weekend.

I waited my turn and an officer approached my car. After the customary exchange of pleasantries, he asked if I had anything to drink.

“One glass of wine, about three hours ago.”

He shined his flashlight at me and I flinched at the glare. “Your eyes seem to be bloodshot.”

“I’ve been in a hot tub. You know, chlorine.”

“Hmmmm.”

“Look officer, I spent the morning at a family breakfast at my ex’s where she just had to trot out my offenses dating back thirty years. The afternoon was a date, but at the girl’s parents, who make Gomez and Morticia Addams look like the Cleavers. Then, I got dragged through a shopping mall, where we missed maybe two stores. She insisted upon dinner at a sushi bar, which was more of a bait shop to me. I think I’m about due.”

“Have a nice evening, sir.”