Very Funny

I grew up in Philadelphia, which is a rich melting pot. With Germans, Poles, Brazilians, etc., it was a hotbed for soccer.

I loved soccer. Trouble was, so did everyone else. I was pretty good. They were excellent. Three players on my high school team, within a five- year window, went on to play on a World Cup team. I usually held down the bench.

I go off to college in Cincinnati. It’s a German town, so I expect it to be awash in soccer leagues. Almost nothing. Not even college intramurals. Bummer.

A few years after I graduate, the public recreation commission announces formation of a mens league. Hallelujah.

I go to the organizational meeting and hook up with some others to form a team. We’re not great, but neither is anyone else. And, I’m playing about as many minutes as I want. Lot of fun.

Jimmy Mack, our goalie, and I formed a close relationship. Interesting guy. He had done time in a state prison, but had turned his life around. I noticed he had great footwork, like a boxer. Turned out, he was.

I don’t know what he was like before prison, but he was very centered when I knew him. There are always some jerks who will take cheap shots at goalies, but Jimmy Mack kept his head.

In our second game, the other team was driving for the goal. Their wing took the shot, but it was obviously wide. Our offside fullback was covering the post and not watching the action. The ball hit him on the back of the head and bounced into the goal.

I half expected Jimmy Mack to ream out the fullback. But he just looked up at the sky and said, “Very funny.”

It’s a round ball, but there are some weird bounces. A few more games passed and there were some more weird goals. Jimmy Mack repeated his mantra.

I finally asked what that was about. Jimmy Mack grinned. “God has a sense of humor.”

Why think of that now, a few decades later? Last fall was the annual Green River race. It’s a downriver kayak event through some good rapids.

With kayaks, length means speed. You don’t see too many modern short boats in the race. People dredge up some good old fashioned long boats. The old designs don’t have the edges or bite to carve well in the turns, but they are quick. They are also starting to get scarce.

This year’s race had shades of NASCAR. Two kayak makers cobbled together molds to make special editions for their factory teams. Old school length and speed with modern design features. Sweet!

This caused quite a stir on the kayaking web chat rooms. There was a hue and cry for public availability. The makers were noncommittal. It’s very expensive to make a production mold and you have to sell hundreds of copies before you break even. Web postings do not equate to writing checks.

I know an owner of one of the companies and call him, begging to buy a boat used in the race. No sale. C’mon, you know you’ll make new boats for next year. No sale.

The other company announces that it plans to go into production with their version. I’m elated. I’ve got the fever. But, it’s a quick fall back to earth.

I start thinking. If I’m them, I know I have to cover my nut with a high price. Volume isn’t going to be all that great with a specialized kayak. And, I’ll probably limit distribution. The boats do me more good in the hands of racers where they’ll get media coverage, as opposed to ownership by some nubs like me.

So, I shift my thinking to finding an old school boat, like a Pirouette. Shouldn’t be that hard or expensive. I’d owned two in the not too distant past.

I start my search, scouring every ad board on the web. Nothing. Unbelievable. I email every dealer, outfitter and camp I know who might have one moldering in the barn. Not a blip.

This goes on for months. Nothing but dry wells. So, it’s time to start working some dealers for the “Green Boat” that’s supposed to come out in the spring. Don’t want to pay the premium, but I’m finding nothing across the country.

As expected, most of the dealers have received little or no word. But, they know they’ll be allotted darn few and are reluctant to commit.

Until this morning. One of them caves. I place the order and send a deposit before he can change his mind. Beautiful.

I get home tonight and turn on the computer. I navigate to the site I moderate for my local paddling club. This afternoon, someone posted an ad for a Pirouette. Right in my own backyard.

I look skyward. “Very funny.”