Wanna make a buck?

L. Ron Hubbard said the way to make a good buck is to start a religion. Then, he proved it.

That was then and this is now. The hot industry is outrage. Create an issue, set up a nonprofit to launder a nice salary and benefits for you, pay for a study with predetermined outcomes by some money-hungry scientists, get some fat grants, find some whacko celebrities to front for you and make a pseudo-documentary movie. Get a few book contracts, while you’re at it. Invest in companies that make products that support your issue.

There are two possible strategies. One is to hitchhike on a niche that someone else has already created. You need to come up with a differentiation.

For instance, an acquaintance of mine, Boots Kowalski, is about to launch his global warming business. His theory is that the proliferation of darker races has shifted the color balance of the planet, causing increasing temperatures. His documentary film shows a scientist in a lab coat cracking eggs onto the hood of a white car and a black car. Hard to argue with that. The film also shows people sweating in Africa (populated by darker races), and freezing in Norway. He’ll quickly follow that up with a line of silver, reflective clothing and hats to save the planet.

That may saturate that field, and you might want to consider the alternative strategy of starting your own frenzy. All you have to do is come up with a cause du jour. I’ll give you one for free.

Global flattening. For centuries, humans have been pounding down the earth, moving all over it with our vehicles. This will automatically attract the hate-the-successful nuts, when you point out that it’s their gigantic SUVs and landings of private jets that are major offenders.

Your problem thesis is that compacting the earth reduces land area. This drives up real estate prices and is the principal reason everyone can’t afford to live in a house like Bill Gates’. We all know how unfair that is in a free enterprise system.

Less land mass also brings us closer together. This leads to a geometric increase in communicable disease and higher medical costs. Also, less privacy and more violence.

You can take it from there. Good luck and be sure to send me a royalty check.