Attention: Book Publisher

This is your lucky day. You have just discovered the author who will eclipse Crichton and King in book sales.

I know this because I already have people linking to this blog from sites of those who want to become millionaires or solve all the world’s problems. And that’s without even promoting myself. If people are already confident I hold the key to the fate of the planet, just ponder the potential when you start promoting my book.

True, you’re not an acquisitions editor. That makes this a terrific opportunity for you to show what a team player you are. You’re helping discover the next great property, even though you’re in the e-marketing, public relations or whatever department. And, because the novel I’ve finely sculpted from the rough hewn monolith of the English language has already been rejected more times than “Gone with the Wind,” you have a ready-made marketing hook. This sets a new record for rejections of a classic tome.

How do I know that’s who you are?

Because, the mere mention of a book title here the other day set off a slew of hits from the publisher’s ISP within hours.

How do I know you’ll be looking now?

Promises of Death, Fool, The Associate, Run for Your Life, One Day at a Time, Night and Day, Terminal Freeze, The Host, Cream Puff Murder, Bone Crossed