Rewarded into submission

I’ve already caviled about rebate offers, so I won’t bore you with the evils of them. But, a close cousin is the so-called rewards program.

Some are good and some, not so much. But, I’m not going to carry around forty cards in my wallet, which already has enough IDs, insurance cards and other documentation to bloat it up to brick size. I am susceptible to the approach that I don’t have to have the card on me. They can credit the account from my name and zip code. That’s a good deal, providing you first check out the obstacle course you must negotiate to collect the reward. I don’t always do that, assuming they wouldn’t negate the good will with a pot of manure at the end of the rainbow. Oh wait, I assumed that with Skymiles.

Case in point, a manufacturer of outdoor clothing had a line of high end winter gear that just called my name. I kept waiting for spring clearance sales, but none of this particular line showed up. Then, about five years ago, they discontinued the it.

I didn’t know why they did that since it had a strong following. But, curtailing the products would benefit me since it moved the inventory to discount liquidators. In theory.

Unfortunately, the market also sensed the error in their ways and the high prices became astronomical for the rare commodity. I was reluctant to pay retail and sure wouldn’t go for the scalping.

Around November, I started getting requests from loved ones for potential gift ideas. That’s a tough one for me, but I began to pay attention to the spam from some of my favorite retailers. Bingo! The manufacturer reintroduced the line and it was carried by one I had a rewards deal with. I never checked, but I must have about a zillion dollars racked up with them in a rewards program. With the gift certificates and the rewards, I might be able to get off scot free.

When the time came, I called in the order, since the certificates and points would probably complicate ordering on line. That went fine until we came to the rewards redemption. I assumed they’d have the number right in my account information, but that’s a separate deal.

So, I called another office to get my rewards account number and to request the balance. The guy gave me the number and said he didn’t have a balance, but they’d know at the order desk. Fine. Had to call them back anyway.

Finally acquiring this product was supposed to be fun. It was starting to turn into a chore. I called the order number and worked my way through the automated choices. I got a different clerk and had to go through all the passwords and secret handshakes to continue the process. I gave her the rewards account number, but that didn’t work. She said the rewards people must issue a certificate number and I’d have to call back with that. She gave me a phone number to call. Great.

I called and was told that they would have to mail me a certificate and that would bear a number. I could expect that mid-January. C’mon! Oh well, if that’s the way it is, that’s the way it is. I asked for my balance, which was pleasing.

Except, she added that they dole it out periodically, ten dollars at a time. Say what? That’s my money. I earned it. Also, you have to use the certificates as you get them; no stockpiling. Huh?

“Didn’t you read the terms and conditions in the brochure?” Obviously not. I don’t think Walgreens sells reading glasses powerful enough to facilitate that.

So, get the thing now, while the outside temperature is still in the cellar, or wait for the rewards to trickle down over time. I’ll go with door number one.

And after I cash out all the points, I won’t be coming back.

In a macro perspective, if this is my biggest source of irritation, life is good.