Full Mental Jacket

Today was bank day. I stood in line with the patience of a follower waiting for Moses to find his way out of the desert.

Understaffing wasn’t the teller’s decision, so when my turn finally came up, I broke free of the cobwebs and gave her a cheery greeting to let her know I didn’t hold her responsible. I think she appreciated it and seemed to reciprocate by going the extra mile, scanning my account information. “Have you been checking your bonus point level? You have like a billion skillion points.” I’m embellishing there, but it was a robust number.

“Uh, no.” I’m generally regarded as a reasonably intelligent person. But, that’s because most people have little opportunity to observe my soft spots, which are the prosaic things that baffle me like organizing a sock drawer, filing insurance claims, operating a smart phone and grasping the intricacies of incentive programs. In the latter case, I’ve all but deemed the effort fruitless. That’s because once I’ve built up a substantial cache of points, they seem to find some fine print caveat that bars me from collecting, or a billion points turns out to equate to about four cents. “Am I due something?”

“You could have a few hundred dollars transferred to your savings account or you could blah, blah, blah.” After the opening phrase, I didn’t hear the rest. Didn’t need to.

Found money. I keep a wish list of things to buy with windfalls. They usually fall under the category of “like I need another…” But, if you are a (blank) person, need has nothing to do with it.

While you understand you’re that kind, there is some comfort in knowing that you are not alone and that you are in good company. It’s like I alluded to in another blog. The plot of a novel was a thought I had long harbored and never expressed, assuming it was unique to my thought process. If someone lucid as the writer shared the concept, it probably wasn’t that off the wall. At some level, you want the assurance that you’re a devotee, not part of a lunatic fringe. So, you assess the birds of your feather.

For instance, I’m a hat guy, at least as far as outdoor pursuits. I can look to my left and see Fred and then to my right at Jim, fellow adventurers who prize a functional chapeau and have more than one edition. It goes beyond that, since there are numerous articles, forums, etc. for the aficionado of head toppers. We are not alone.

But, it’s not a hat that sits atop my list. It’s a jacket. I’m a jacket junky, at least as far as way cool ones go. And, I found my tribe some time ago. There’s actually a web site for those who zero in on nifty outerwear appearing in movies, on television, etc.

Wardrobe designers are trained and paid to find the item that’s “just right,” so it comes as little surprise that their selections would be exemplary. That’s the easy part.

The more difficult is identifying the piece and how the average Joe might come to take possession of one. That’s where the site comes in. There are people far more rabid than I who birddog this stuff with unfettered zeal. On second thought, maybe I’m not all that comfortable about being a member of this sect.

The most challenging articles are those that are custom made for the actor. That doesn’t eliminate your options since some of those come on the market if you happen to be of the right size and are willing to part with substantial bucks. I’m not, so drop me down a classification.

The next stratum is where the brand and model have been sniffed out by the more resourceful trackers on the web site. Even this is usually beyond my budget. They are shooting for distinctive and striking attire, which means they’re not pushing a cart down the aisle of Target. Even the most battered and soiled garment often turns out to be a designer label that costs more than my last round of inlays.

But, the sleuths of the slick do not abandon me there. They just keep on drilling down to a level that resonates with me. Whether it’s a custom made piece or off the designer rack, the web detectives usually create a list of this-is-close. That is, they generate a list of affordable alternatives that approximate the look and/or features.

Yeah, I’ll be buying something I don’t really need. But, I’m in good company. Kinda.