That'll teach 'em

I received official notice in the mail, today. I am qualified as a beneficiary of a class action suit settlement. Break out the champagne!

Just kidding. I’ve seen dozens of these things and they seldom amount to even a small pile of beans, much less a hill. The only ones who make any money are the rapacious lawyers who fanned the smoldering ember of an issue into an inferno that lines their pockets. And just once, I’d like to see one that goes after some real sleazebags like hucksters of ersatz weight loss pills, marketers of snake oil miracle cures, phony get-rich-quick schemes or the Better Business Bureau who sells credibility to the scam artists.

In this case, the primary defendant is the Hertz Corporation and the complaint is that they illegally and improperly charged a “concession recovery fee” on vehicle rentals at Las Vegas, Reno and other Nevada airports for six years. Now that is a lot more than a hill of beans.

Hertz. Deep pockets. I rub my hands in anticipation. What’s my cut of all this? “Johnny, tell the contestant what he’s won!” Ten bucks. Ten bucks? Ten lousy bucks? Okay, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Cut me a check. But wait, there’s more.

It isn’t cash. It’s a ten dollar discount on a Hertz rental. In my neighborhood, we call that a promotional coupon. In fact, this is even more beneficial to Hertz. Their coupons and other incentives compete against those of all the other car rental companies, with little edge. This provides them with a potent advantage for snagging the next rental because it isn’t just a discount like the others. “That’s my money and I’m damn well going to rent from Hertz to claim what’s rightfully my due.” They’re going to clean up. And, on top of being handed this game breaker, the lawyers are doing the promotion for them. Sweet.

Hertz makes out, but what about the lawyers who instigated this? I didn’t really have to scan the document to figure that out. Hertz pays them. Hertz does okay, the lawyers cash in on a big payday and what about the injured parties? You get a slight “discount” if, and only if you give them more business. If you don’t give them your business, you don’t even get your money back, much let alone interest or punitive damages.The judge approved this as equitable, of course.

In summary, Hertz violated the law and illegally charged fees to customers. As punishment, they get to keep their ill-gotten gains, benefit from an effective promotion tool and have someone else execute it for them. That’ll teach ‘em.