The war rages on

The war is not over. That is, the hostilities with the new computer. I was lulled into a false sense of security by the granting of web access and being able to pull up a semblance of the old Freecell game. I was actually pretty far along, thinking that the quirks of Windows 8 were the only remaining hurdles. It’s as though they polled users for what was useful and desirable in Windows 7 and eliminated those things in the new format. I can cope with change, but shouldn’t it be for the better? My mistake was thinking that the transfer of files from the old computer would be a slam dunk. What led to this erroneous conclusion was the fact that both computers contained Windows Easy Transfer and that I had already successfully used it to move the files from the old box to an external drive. Now, all that remained was to plug that drive into the new computer and upload with the Windows Easy Transfer program. What was I thinking? I plugged it in and the computer recognized a new device, according to plan. I called up Windows Easy Transfer and it cordially complied. The greeting was a simple wizard. Great. I answered a few questions followed by a click of the “Next” button and motored right along. I quickly arrived at the desired nexus. I happily issued the command to transfer. You’re probably ahead of me. Up came the error message, informing me I had insufficient disk space. Access denied! What? How could this be? It’s a brand new computer with powers and abilities beyond those of mortal boxes. I retraced my steps and wended my way through the process with the same results. And again. And again. It became apparent it wouldn’t change its mind. I backed up to where the destination drive was selected. It had chosen C. Okay, no problem. There should be room, but failing that, I knew that I had spent enough to gain the advantage of a D with room for terabytes of memory. I’m not even sure what that means but am pretty certain it indicates more space than I can imagine. Problem solved. Not so fast. The menu will not yield and insists upon dictating that the download be to a drive that it says has inadequate room, and then chides me for attempting to do so. Who writes this software, Joseph Heller? Having achieved internet connection, I have access to unlimited poor advice and misinformation. I do a search incorporating the error message and my prayers are answered. In the thousands. Apparently, Windows Easy Transfer is neither easy nor does it transfer anything for anyone. You would think that, with legions of failures documented in the ether, Windows would do something to remedy the situation. There are forums in which messages are posted with solutions. They are mostly responded to with tried-it/didn’t-work replies. Also, I would need a masters in IT from MIT before I attempted one of these, risking permanent damage to my operating system. Time to think this through which is neither an easy nor safe practice for me. The files are on the external drive. Why not just copy or move them? It sounds simple. Nothing is simple. The drive is hooked up so I click on the icon to examine the contents. The files are there but they are unnamed (in any recognizable form) and encrypted in some format I never heard of. I attempt to open one and it ain’t happening. Back to the web. I rub the magic lamp, figuratively, and ask how to decrypt or open this format. I should’ve guessed. You can’t. Or, at least not without a special program, a software engineering degree and clearance from the CIA. Thank you for playing. It seems as though I should be able to just run a cable from one box to the other and access the files. That would be too simple, but I’m off to the computer store in quest of a data transfer cable. Before making the purchase, I have the good sense to wander into the tech department to pose the question. I am directed to the “Technology Bar.” The bar turns out to be a glorified closet, in which sits a gnome who looks like he’d enjoy a spirited game of three-dimensional chess. I’d bet my new computer he rides a moped to work. But, I have hopes that he is my savior. I make my first mistake by greeting him verbally and starting to explain my problem. He waves me off and points to a computer at the portal. A card attached to it directs me to sign up for the next available place and type in my problem. We’re five feet apart and no one else is here. Can we just pretend we’re two human beings and converse? I’m pretty sure I can. But, I comply. He looks at his screen, reading my distress. He nods sagely and points to the folding chair in front of his table. I have been granted an audience. He explains that Windows Easy Transfer will only move files C to C, and will not permit selection of another destination drive. Well thanks for walking me through that, Socrates, but I think that’s what I just keystroked to you. What I need is a solution. I have unconsciously leaned across the table getting in range of his chicken neck. It seems to motivate him. He reels off a half a dozen ways to accomplish this in rapid fire speech. I’m pretty sure he’s speaking English, but I don’t understand a word of it. Most of it involves additional devices and setting up networks, which I haven’t had stellar results with. “Why can’t I just run a wire from one box to the other and access the files I want?” “You can but you still have to set up a network.” “But I don’t want to set up a network.” He shrugs. Then, a look creeps across his fish belly white face. I harbored the prayer that there was a simple fix and this has got to be it. “There is a way to just connect them with a wire and do it as simply as you want to.” I knew it! “How?” “Well, it’s a special cable. You pull the hard drive from your old computer and hook it up to the new one.” So now I’m taking apart computers for starters. And that’s simple. “Forget that. Look, you’ve talked with me for ten minutes and have probably figured out that I can barely find the word program on Windows 8. What do you recommend I do?” He suggested buying a wireless router and setting up a network for the transfer. I bought it and came home, but was too drained to attempt to pull the rabbit out of the hat today. The battle rages on.