Entertainment is where you find it.

My newspaper didn’t arrive this morning. Okay, stuff happens. But, I do like to have my puzzles at hand when I sit down for the evening.

The customer service is a toll-free number, which might indicate that they sub out that function. Good news if that means I’ll get better service from a pro. Bad if I can’t understand the accent.

The answering function is automated and I navigate through the options to arrive at delivery problems. I am greeted by a computer generated voice and she asks me to speak or keystroke my phone number and address so she can call up my account. At least, it sounds like a she. I can’t see the computer’s components to make a definitive assessment.

Here’s where it gets humorous. She thanks me for the information and says she can now call up my account to help me. The sound of simulated keystroking comes over the line. Say what? It’s obvious you’re a computer. Are the sound effects supposed to make me feel I’m getting personal service?

After the audio show, my friend asks me to wait a moment while she connects me with person to help me with my problem. What am I missing here? They go to the trouble of the keystroking soundtrack to portray a person and then tell me I will be connected to a person. Any company can hire people to deliver inanity. It takes real vision to automate it. This is good stuff.

The person comes on. There is no doubt she is a person or that I am her twentieth problem this morning. Or, maybe even in the past hour. She demands my phone number and address so she can call up my account.

Didn’t we just go through this? Do you think it would be a good idea to link the functions and save yourself time and staffing?

I provide the information. She tells me I didn’t receive a newspaper because I subscribed only for weekend delivery. I say that’s not so and she tells me I’m mistaken. I respond that I have been getting it on weekdays until now and she says that’s not possible.

I eye the pile of newspapers awaiting a trip to the garbage can but do not press the point. I deal with patients who fabricate their own realities on a daily basis and facts just inflame them. I ask if we can change the delivery schedule.

I thank her. The call was worth it to fix the problem, if not for the entertainment value.