You Say You Want a Resolution

The first weeks of the year at the gym aren’t the most enjoyable for me. Some of the “regulars” are grousing about the influx of the New Years resolution people clogging up the facilities, and hoping that their numbers wane in the near future.

I’m in another camp. I’m glad to see the people take positive steps toward a better life and wish them well in the quest. I enjoy being around people who face their problems and take action to solve them.

This year’s edition of the grumbling piqued my interest about the resolutions. The action I took was to do some research.

The tradition is attributed by some to the early Babylonians, who held the belief that what they did the first day of the year plotted their courses for the rest of it. Not real encouraging since many people I know spend that day either nursing hangovers or vegging on the couch in front of a television.

The results of studies vary, but about half of American adults make New Years resolutions. The most common are weight loss, exercise, cessation of smoking and improved financial position.

Most studies agree that about half will fail within six months. That climbs to 90-97% by the end of the year. To quote Oscar Wilde, “A New Years resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”

This does not surprise me. I’ve spent too much time in the mental health/drug & alcohol treatment field and consulting underperforming companies to be unaware of resistance to change. Why is that when change can bring positive outcomes?

The biggest obstacle is the baggage some carry from their childhood including low self-esteem, perfectionism, fear of failure, need for control, anger and the need to please. This baggage makes them think and behave as who they were as children as opposed to an adult.

Dr. Jim Martin of the University of San Francisco says it best:

“Deeply ingrained habits in the way we think, experience emotions, and behave arise out this baggage. We react to the world in certain ways because that's the way we always have; these habits produce knee-jerk reactions that are no longer healthy or adaptive.

We don't make an effort to change because of negative emotions that we are experiencing, such as fear, anger, sadness, or frustration. For example, many people don't change out of the fear of failure. They might think, "If I can't change, then I'll prove myself to be even more of a loser than I am now.

We also create an environment that helps us best manage our baggage, habits, and emotions. The people we surround ourselves with and the activities we participate in give us a sense of comfort and security that we may be reluctant to give up no matter how much we may want to change.”

My observations verify his analysis. I have seen many dysfunctional companies reluctant to commit to significant goals out of fear of failure. They would rather set low or nebulous benchmarks to avoid being “a loser” yet one more time. Fear of failure perpetuates failure.

And, in mental health treatment, we often see sick patients surround themselves with like minds so they feel somewhat normal, as opposed to addressing their problems and recognizing the nature of their enablers. They perpetuate the malfunctioning mentality and behavior amongst themselves.

So, how do we succeed with resolutions or, for that matter, life? People schooled in behavior prescribe swimming against the root causes of failure.

1. Fuel yourself with positive emotions. Mature and controlled emotions and behavior lead to growth, accomplishment and happiness.

2. Courage is key. As behaviorists point out, to succeed, we must be willing to confront the aspects of ourselves that we deny, don’t know about or abhor to overcome them.

3. Meaningful and specific goals are essential. They commit us to taking significant and effective action.

4. We must accept the possibility of setbacks and resolve to overcome them. They are bumps in the road, not barriers. Persevere.

5. Just do it. Action delayed is action denied. Don’t wait until the beginning of next year. Do it today.

As for the gym, give me your tired, your portly, your humongous masses yearning to be fit. The wretched refuse of your teeming fast food counters. For it is they confronting their issues who give me hope for the human condition.