A tale of two cities

Last night, I was coming home from a get-together with some friends and decided to pick up something at a convenience store. While it’s not the best of neighborhoods, I’ve never encountered any significant problems.

I was browsing the goods when a vociferous argument broke out between two of my fellow shoppers, and I eavesdropped to assess the possibility of escalation. Weapons came out, obviating the need for further analysis.

As they were blocking the exit, I thought it would be prudent to take up a defensible position and stepped behind the canned goods aisle and reached for my cell phone. I noticed that the store clerk was already on the phone in a semi-crouch behind the counter, so discontinued my call.

The melee ensured and the first cruiser arrived in minutes. Two more arrived on its heels and the melee was quelled. Then, two rescue vehicles to deal with the wounded.

I emerged from my position as the police and EMTs were administering to one of the combatants. His eyes fell upon me. “That (insert uncomplimentary term for Caucasian) didn’t see s##t.” A couple responses sprang to mind but he didn’t seem to be one to approach discourse in a rational manner.

They hauled him outside and the officer took my name and contact information. He wasn’t interested in details about the incident and said it was unlikely I’d be contacted. They were regular “customers” and would cop a plea for a favorable resolution. I recalled reading an article the previous week about an arrest of a guy in his 20s that had over forty previous arrests. Yeah, the system works.

As I drove home, my mind correlated this to an incident a couple months ago. We were staying in a waterside inn in Cedar Key, Florida. It’ a remote, sleepy community that’s more Caribbean than Floridian.

As my companion dressed for dinner, I had a yen for a soft drink. There was no vending machine in the small inn, nor one on the block that fronted the Gulf. How’s that for laid back?

I walked the few blocks into town and found the only market, which was more like a convenience store. I encountered the final phase of an altercation between the proprietor and another woman. It appeared to be over, so I went to the refrigerated case and extracted a Diet Coke. When I was checking out, the proprietor asked me to stay until the police arrived. I hadn’t seen much more than a little shoving, but how long could it take to wait?

I waited and waited and waited. Earlier that day, we had easily walked the length and breadth of the island, so I wouldn’t have guessed the police were that far away. I made this observation and was told that they travel by golf carts. Yeah, right.

A few minutes later, the official police golf cart arrived. Okay, she wasn’t having fun with me.

I told the officer I had only seen the end of the incident and that there wasn’t much to it. Nonetheless, he questioned me in detail, as though it had been the Kennedy assassination. Whatever.

He asked if I was available to be a witness concerning the strangling. I didn’t see a strangling. But, if someone wanted to fly me down to Florida to say that I saw them shoving each other, fine by me. Try to make it during a winter month. He didn’t appreciate me making light of their crime wave.

I don’t see myself relocating for retirement. But, if I did, you could do worse than a community whose biggest problem was a cat fight.