The Feds remain inert in the face of burgeoning legions of get-rich-quick schemes preying upon a desperate public in tough economic times. They sit on their hands as charlatans peddle “miracle” cures for cancer, arthritis and other ails to an aging demographic. And, in spite of numerous investigative articles exposing nonprofit shams (e.g. Better Business Bureau), they remain comatose.
But, just let someone score with a product that is pretty much as-described and the sleeping giant awakes to smite it. Headline in today’s newspaper: “Feds move to ban caffeinated alcoholic drinks.” The effort is spearheaded by Senator Charles Schumer, apparently an advocate of the you’re-too-stupid-to-make-your-own-choices-so-we’ll-make-them-for-you party line.
The target in all this flurry of action is the newly popular beverage category of fruit flavored alcoholic beverage popular with younger drinkers. New? Can you say “Ripple?”
But, these products combine caffeine with alcohol, a combo deemed to be perilous. You mean, like rum & coke or Kahlua?
Yes, but this villain packs a punch of up to 12% alcohol content. Shudder. So that compares unfavorably to bourbon (40-50%), gin (43%) or wine (10-14%)? How about a slug of Bacardi 151?
They justify this ban with reports that young people are getting drunk and even suffering alcohol poisoning. Goodness, how long has this been going on? If memory serves, there were a few weekends in college when we got panty raiding, bar fighting, passing out drunk on beer. I’m using the “royal we,” so as not to necessarily include myself in that box.
But, I’m open to reviewing the evidence they cite in support of their position. Item one, an 18-year-old girl drives her car into a house after an extensive round of playing “beer pong” with Four Loko (one of the targeted beverages). So, if she had been marinating herself in any other alcoholic beverage, that wouldn’t have happened? I guess when we employed beer in chugging competitions or cheap bourbon in shot-a-minute contests, we didn’t end up hammered. We just thought we were. Good thing we weren’t exposed to these fruity killers.
Item two in their ironclad case, a 14-year-old girl dies in a car accident when her boyfriend (also only 14) lost control of the car he was driving. They had downed a 12-pack of beer before nudging into some Four Lokos. Is it just me or does anyone else see something wrong with this picture besides they had a couple pops of the punch? It’s not the “friend” who provided the alcohol, the beer, the parents who didn’t teach them better, the person who allowed access to an unlicensed driver or their own will. It’s the responsibility of the maker of one of the beverages they illegally obtained and consumed. I’m reminded of a wild-eyed email someone forwarded to me a couple weeks ago. It didn’t make sense to him so he said he tried sticking an eggbeater through his earhole and turning it up to frappe in an attempt to understand the viewpoint of the author. Still didn’t make sense. I doubt if scrambling the brains would bring any more clarity to the conclusion reached from this incident, either.
But, I suppose I should be glad that they’re doing the job and protecting us by banning a pervasive and proven killer of so many like cigarettes. I’m sorry, I meant fruity drinks.
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